"We welcome you to Rice-Eccles Stadium this lovely autumn afternoon, as the 14th-ranked Cougars of BYU visit the University of Utah Utes, who are currently ranked 7th in the country!" So says radio man Greg Wrubell to open up the broadcast for this game, the biggest ever in the history of the Deseret Duel. The undefeated Utes would send themselves into the BCS with a victory, while the 10-1 Cougars would also position themselves for a potential bid if they pull off the upset.
Afternoon traffic is snarled by a nasty accident between a pirate ship and a remodeled school bus right in front of the stadium. "There were no fatalities, and only minor injuries," says police spokesman Paul Jaroscak. Asked if there was any alcohol involved, Jaroscak replies, "The accident was between a pirate ship and a school bus re-painted to look like a pig. YOU tell ME if there was alcohol involved."
The players get themselves pumped up in their respective locker rooms. In the BYU locker room, they get a pep speech from special visitors, the Southwest Baptist basketball team. "Listen, dudes," says Bearcat Tomas Brock. "If we can beat the Utes on their home floor, then so should you." Coach Bronco Mendenhall then shares a scripture about Samson. "When he lost his hair, his strength was gone," Mendenhall says. "Let us figuratively cut off the hair of our opponents today." His quote is quickly followed by a roar of approval, and the cougars storm the field, where they dance the Haka to a mixed chorus of cheers and boos.
Meanwhile, in the Utah locker room, a rap is performed by players Darrell Mack, Brice McCain, Louis Sakoda, and Brian Johnson. Once it is done, Johnson screams something about feeling the Holy Spirit and on cue the Utes rush the field.
The captains for the two teams meet at center field, and the Utes win the coin toss! Overheard on the referees' microphone by Ute captain Brian Johnson is this Matt Hasselbeck-worthy gem: "We will elect to receive the ball in the second half, and that is the ONLY kickoff we'll receive all game!" The Utah fans cheer and begin chanting "BYU sucks!"
First Quarter:
BYU receives the opening kickoff, which is a touchback. On the first play of the game, BYU quarterback Max Hall connects with Austin Collie on a 75-yard pass. On third-and-goal from the two yard line, BYU scores the first touchdown of the game on a Harvey Unga plow-in. 7-0 BYU.
Later in the quarter, Utah evens things up on a 78-yard drive, highlighted by a Darrell Mack 30-yard run. The score comes on a triple-reverse off a fake second-down field goal attempt. Freddie Brown ends up wide open in the end zone, where Asiata hits him. The score is tied 7-7. The fact that Utah scores a touchdown clinches the MWC Offensive Player of the Week award for Brian Johnson.
Second Quarter:
The defenses tighten up on both sides. Max Hall is sacked three times in this quarter and throws an interception deep in Cougar territory. Luckily for Hall, the Cougars block two Sakoda field goal attempts and force a turnover of their own when David Nixon forces a fumble from Bradon Godfrey on a monster hit. BYU capitalizes on the turnover with a 42-yard Mitch Payne field goal. Halftime score: BYU 10, Utah 7.
Halftime:
Fans are stunned when the Utah and BYU marching bands join forces on the field and play a lovely medley of popular Proposition 8 songs. "It really brought things into perspective," says the Utah fan who dresses up as a clown. "It reminded me of what is really important in life, and I ended up crying tears of joy and hugging BYU fans in an act of solidarity."
Utah athletics--sensing a little too much brotherhood in the stands--pulls out their "get the fans riled up" wild card by sending out men's basketball coach Jim Boylen. "All right fans!" he screams into the microphone at center field. "This is the season you've all been waiting for, since 1997!!!!! WE'RE GOING ALL THE WAY, BABY!
Third Quarter:
Utah receives the second-half kickoff, and they don't take long to get more points on the scoreboard. From their own 45-yard line, Johnson connects with David Reed down the sideline, who hauls it in and high-steps into the end zone. A fifteen-yard penalty is called when Sakoda rushes onto the field and starts rapping with Reed. But they make the extra point anyway. 14-10 Utah lead.
BYU responds on the very next drive with a 14-play methodical drive, capped by an 8-yard scoring toss from Hall to a wide open Andrew George. Just for fun, George falls onto his knees as he catches it, a la Jonny Harline in 2006. This really ticks off the Utah fans, but no further harm is done. BYU re-takes the lead 17-14.
Fourth Quarter:
Things begin to get interesting when sure-handed Matt Asiata fumbles the ball early in the fourth, and BYU recovers at the Utes' 18-yard line. Six plays later, Harvey Unga runs it in for the touchdown, and BYU extends their lead to 24-14.
Things look really dire for the Utes when Sakoda's 55-yard field goal attempt doinks off the upright. But they get a stroke of good luck when Hall throws an interception to McCain that is returned for a touchdown, cutting the lead to 24-21.
Some tense drives ensue, but the two defenses hold strong when they need to. With three minutes remaining, Utah begins a drive at their own 28-yard line, and Whittingham sends offensive coordinator Andy Ludwig to the locker room, as they no longer need him. Utah coolly drives down the field, and they take the lead with :49 remaining when Johnson hooks up with Freddie Brown on a crossing pattern! The MUSS storms the field and starts to climb onto the goalposts, resulting in an obvious 15-yard penalty flag. The Cougars wisely accept the penalty on the kickoff, and Sakoda's extra point gives Utah a 28-24 lead.
Thanks to the penalty on the MUSS, BYU starts their next drive at their own 48-yard line with :42 remaining. On the very first play of the drive, Hall is smashed on the blind side by Paul Kruger, and the ball is jarred loose. About 18 players pounce on the ball, and an edgy three minutes follow as players are lifted off the pile to determine who recovered the ball. When the referee signals Utah ball, the fans go nuts and the MUSS again storms the field, for another flag.
In the middle of all of this, Mendenhall convinces the referees to take a second look at the tape. In the middle of the MUSS celebrating, the referee turns on his microphone and says, "Upon further review, the previous call is overturned. The defense had 15 players on the field. Fifteen yard penalty on the MUSS, and a further penalty for having too many players on the field. BYU ball, first down!"
The MUSS angrily storms off the field, and Frank Dolce goes crazy in the radio booth. "That is not a penalty, I swear it isn't," he insists on live radio. "I'll have to look in the rules book later, but I know that there is a clear rule that says under certain circumstances you can have fifteen players on the field. And it isn't like they made a difference anyways, they were second stringers!"
Two plays later, Hall has BYU on the 18-yard line with only :16 seconds remaining. On the next play, Hall drops back, floats the ball into the back corner of the end zone, where it is caught by Austin Collie for the touchdown! Unbelievable! Collie outjumps all four Ute secondary players, almost as if he is being lifted by "magic." As he gets plowed on the way down, he somehow sneaks a toe onto the field to make the catch. Former mayor Rocky Anderson comes out of nowhere and tries to get in a shoving match with Collie, but Austin doesn't fall for it. Payne's extra point attempt is good, and BYU takes a 31-28 lead.
The game ends on the next kickoff. Utah tries to lateral their way into a miracle, but their fourth lateral sails out of bounds and whacks Utah coach Kyle Whittingham in the head.
Final Score:
BYU 31, Utah 28
3 comments:
Very nice.
That was pretty funny. I wonder if your story will come true! This is going to be great!
blah, blah, blah. GO UTES!
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