NBA Playoffs First-Round Predictions

Eastern Conference

Boston Celtics (1) vs. Atlanta Hawks (8): Hmm, this is a toughie. On the one hand, you have the team that posted the best record in the NBA, set records all over the place, got fans excited in Boston again, have a fired-up MVP candidate in Kevin Garnett, a solid bench, and they have the best former Cougar of all time as their GM (Danny Ainge, but he could be a liability now that I think about it).

On the other hand, you have the Atlanta Hawks.

Prediction: Celtics 4-0. It would be a 7-0 sweep, but unfortunately the NBA forces them to stop playing once a team gets to four wins.


Lebron James (4) vs. Gilbert Arenas (5): Forget about their teammates, this series is about these two players only. At least that is how the media (including The Joe Rankings) will treat it. Luckily for the Wizards, they have a couple of players that are better than Arenas while the Lebrons don't have anybody else on their team better than even Trent Plaisted.

Prediction: Lebrons 4-3. Lebron will score all 32 points for the Lebrons in the fourth quarter of Game Seven, including a soaring 'and-one' dunk over all five Wizards with 5.2 seconds left in the game to give the Lebrons a one-point lead. On the next possession, Arenas will shoot an airball from 37 feet out, and then go home to blog all about it.


Orlando Magic (3) vs. Toronto Raptors (6): Since whichever team wins is a guaranteed loss in the next round no matter who they play, I don't feel the need to do much analysis here.

Prediction: Raptors 4-2. The Magic will have a chance to win at the buzzer in Game Six to force a seventh game in Orlando, but Superman Dwight Howard will take off for the game-winning dunk from the free throw line, and get stuffed by the rim.


Detroit Pistons (2) vs. Philadelphia 76ers (7): The Sixers are the surprise team, led by one of the top 100 Utes of all time (Andre Miller) and his sidekick Andre Iguodala. I just wish they would have traded for Andrei Kirilenko to form the should-have-been intimidating team of Los Tres Andres.

Prediction: Pistons 4-0. Enough said about the Eastern Conference, let's move on to the West.


Western Conference

Los Angeles Lakers (1) vs. Denver Nuggets (8): Kobe Bryant, Carmelo Anthony, Allen Iverson, and Kenyon Martin all in the same town for a whole series. I'm sure some good juicy off-the-court news will surface here, especially if you consider the fact that Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest are not in the playoffs this year and could be roaming the streets of any NBA playoff city that they want. Look out.

Prediction: Lakers 4-1. Carmelo will get his 25, AI will get his 26, Camby will block 19 shots a game, J.R. Smith will throw in 19 each game, and yet somehow the Lakers will win their four games by an average of 20 points. I don't get how it all works, but that is what will happen.


Utah Jazz (4) vs. Houston Rockets (5): The Jazz have the better seed, but the Rockets have home-court advantage. This makes no sense, and I don't know why the NBA doesn't fix it. Either make the Jazz the #5 seed or give them homecourt advantage. It is too logical. At any rate...

Prediction: Jazz 4-1. I don't see any reason why the Rockets will give the Jazz any problems in this series. They are missing Yao Ming, so Boozer and Okur should have plenty of rebounds and points down low. Deron Williams is simply better than any point guard the Rockets will try to throw out there. Tracy McGrady will have his obligatory 49-point game in Game Two, but it will be too little.


San Antonio Spurs (3) vs. Phoenix Suns (6): What a match-up. It seems like these two teams play each other every year in the playoffs, and of course the Spurs usually win. This year adds a couple of other twists, as well. Firstly, the Suns were screwed in last year's playoffs with the whole Amare Stoudamire suspension. Secondly, the Suns made the trade for Shaquille O'Neal for one reason--to try and negate Tim Duncan in the playoffs. We'll see right away if this works.

Prediction: Suns 4-3. This will be a series for the ages, I think. After a sluggish start in the series, Steve Nash will resurrect his old self for the last two games and turn a 3-2 deficit into a second-round appearance. Somewhere in Miami, Shawn Marion will be poking himself in the eye with a pencil.


New Orleans Hornets (2) vs. Dallas Mavericks (7). The Hornets have been probably the biggest surprise of the entire NBA season, with Chris Paul emerging as a legitimate MVP contender and David West quietly becoming one of the best forwards in the league. On the other side of the court, the Mavericks have started to come around after a slow start with Jason Kidd. This is an intriguing match-up.

Prediction: Mavericks 4-3. Nowitzski will hit a three as time expires in Game Seven, giving Dallas a three-point win. After making the shot, Dirk will untuck his shirt at the same time he does his patented annoying fist pump with clenched teeth, his mouth protector spilling onto his blonde chin. Also, I can't wait for all of the stories about what good friends Dirk Nowitzki and Steve Nash are, and how Nash will invite Dirk over for dinner the night before Game One.